Teach Your Kids About Sex
by on 25/08/2014 3630
Also available in : Bahasa Malaysia 中文版
Sex is a funny subject.
Despite being one of the most important aspects for the most of us, it is also one of the hardest subjects to talk about. The thought of talking about sex makes most people uncomfortable and bashful. The thought of talking about sex to your kids can be horrifying to most parents. We feel as though we are condoning sex if we were to talk about sex to our kids.
But according to many experts, avoiding the sex talk with your kids can be one of the biggest mistakes a parent can make.
This is because by letting your child understand the concept of sex, they can become better adults who are sexually empowered in terms of understanding who they are as a person and that what they are feeling is a perfectly normal human emotions. By letting your child understand sex, they are better equipped against unwanted sexual advances and are able to make an informed decision about their own sexual feelings.
Some parents may feel that their children are too young for them to talk about sex.
But again, according to experts, by the time you think you’re “ready” to talk about it with your children, chances are it would be too late. They would already have a preconceived idea about what sex is that they usually get from their friends or the media, which more often than not, is inaccurate and focused more on the unscrupulous connotation of sex.
It is never too early to breach the subject of sex with your child as you can tailor your conversation with age-appropriate information. Here are some basic guidelines you can use when talking about sex to your kids.
Use Everyday Occurrence
It is not necessary for you to carefully plan when you want to talk about sex to your child. Sex education is a life-long process that can’t be “downloaded” to your child in one session.
There are many daily occurrences that you can use to talk about sex.
For example, you are watching a movie with your family in the family room and a kissing scene came up. As parents, this scene is most likely causing you some discomfort because you wouldn’t want your children to see so much display of physical affection. Instead of switching the channel or asking your child to look away, you can explain to them why the couple is kissing.
Try:
- Why do you think they’re kissing, Adam?
- Adam, do you know why they kiss?
- When you love someone, you usually kiss him or her to show how much you love them.
For toddlers and preschoolers, this information is often enough for them to understand the concept of love.
Provide Age-Appropriate Information
As your child grows, he will be able to think more for himself and explore his thoughts based on what he sees around him. Encountering things that are related to sex is something that is inevitable. So as a parent, it is important that you armed him with the right information about it.
Just because your child is 4, it doesn’t mean he can’t know why women get pregnant. But he doesn’t literally have to know how it happens because it can overload his capacity to receive and digest the information.
Not only that, some parents are afraid their young children might blurt out what they learn about pregnancy (or sex, at that) at the most awkward times like during a family reunion or while in a supermarket check-out queue!
Here’s a basic age-appropriate information guide you can use:
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Toddlers on pregnancy |
Q: Mommy, how did the baby get inside your tummy? A: Your little brother is in Mommy’s tummy because Mommy and Daddy love each other. When Mommy and Daddy sleep together, your little brother can get inside Mommy’s tummy. |
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Preschoolers on anatomy |
Q: Why doesn’t Emma have weewee like mine? A: Your weewee is called a penis. Your sister doesn’t have one because she is a girl. Boys and girls are the same except for certain things on their body.
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Elementary age on touching themselves |
Q: Mommy, why is my penis hard and feels ticklish? Can I touch it?
A: It’s normal to feel ticklish at your penis/vagina and I know it feels good to touch it. But you should only touch yourself in private where there is no one around. And no one else can touch your penis/vagina except you.
*Remember to remind them that it’s okay for you, your spouse or your doctor to touch your child’s privates if they feel any pain. |
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Teens on penetrative sex |
Q: Do people always have sex if they’re in love?
A: Not necessarily. You can be in love with someone without having to have sex until you’re certain of your relationship/married to that person. I know the TV always show that a couple will have sex if they’re in love but that doesn’t always happen in real life.
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Whenever you talk to your child about sex, you can choose to instill your own values on sex. Depending on your religious and personal background, sex can be a contradicting issue when explaining its concept to your child while trying to maintain the fact that it’s still a normal feeling.
The most important thing is for you to not avoid his questions by distracting him with other activity like ask him to go and do his coloring or scolding him for asking. This will only tell him that it’s wrong to feel what he feels and that he should not ask you for information. This is very damaging, as he will try to seek information elsewhere like from his friends or the Internet that won’t be accurate and misleading from the correct concept of sex.
You need to let your child know that what he feels is completely normal and everyone goes through it. Your child needs to know that he can come to you first whenever he has questions.
Focus on Facts About Sex
Sex education covers a wide range of topics from pregnancy to masturbation to sex itself as well as sexual harassment. So it’s important for your child to understand the concept of each so he knows what he is feeling and how to react or handle them.
When it comes to talking about sex to your child, it largely depends on how comfortable you are with yourself when talking about it. You can be married for many years but talking about sex can still make you blush.
By speaking in an as-a-matter-of-fact tone, you can help to overcome your own discomfort in talking about sex. You are not lecturing or giving a sermon to your child, so you need to make it sound like a normal conversation.
If you focus on facts about sex like human anatomy, pregnancy, intercourse and masturbation using their correct biological term, it would be easier to talk about it to your child. Remember also to talk about other aspect of sex like sexual harassment and rape.
This way, your child is able to understand the concept of sex as a whole and how there are some people who use sex to take advantage or hurt someone else with it. You can include safety lessons as well like how to keep away from strangers so your child can understand why he needs to be safe at all times.
Some parents only wait for their children to ask questions about sex before they talk about it to them. But if your child never asked you anything, don’t ignore it. It’s never too early or too late to talk to your child about sex. Remember, talking about sex is not condoning it. You’re teaching your child about one of the most important aspect of a human’s life.
You need to educate your child about sex before they are able to make their own decisions so that when they’re faced with situations that require them to make the decisions relating to sex, they have a good idea where they stand by the values and morals you have instilled.
