How to Handle a Jealous Sibling
by on 25/08/2014 1998
Also available in : Bahasa Malaysia 中文版
It’s quite common to see children to throw tantrums or pick up fights with peers, especially with siblings, when they fail to get what they want. Most of the time, we, as parents, find their expression of jealousy to be ridiculous. What’s more, we want them to stop feeling this way.
However, is this really the best way to handle their jealousy?
According to Dr. Benjamin Spock, author of The Common Book of Baby and Child Care, jealousy is a normal emotion that parents should expect from their children. Before you are about to do anything about their jealousy, try to understand that jealousy is the result of a desire to possess and control. Young children often do not have the skills or language to deal with this complex feeling.
Teach your children to handle jealousy
So, it’s very important to educate your child how to identify, respond to the true feelings of jealousy, and manage the feelings, so that they can get along with others in the future. Here are some suggestions for you.
1. Do you just leave your child alone with their jealousy?
Don’t ever think that it’s the end of the story by leaving a jealous child alone. Teach him to verbalize his emotions. If possible, demonstrate how jealousy should be handled, so that he can get the message: “I know you are angry right now, but being mean to the baby or hurting him won’t help you feel better.”
2. Do you like to compare?
Why can’t you be as hardworking as your brother?” Most parents would think that this is to encourage children to do better- but is it really so? When we compare our kids to others, especially siblings, it can create long-lasting strains. More often than not, they will misinterpret our kind intention by thinking that we love them less or practise favouritism. Worse still, they might even feel devalued.
3. Do you give your child negative labels?
Every child is unique, and don’t try to mould your child to who you want him to be. Instead, nurture a unique strength for him based on his characteristic, gifts and interests. Most importantly, let him know what he is really good at- or at least what his potential is. Every child deserves to know this from parents.
Also, avoid using negative labels, such as Dumb, Clumsy, Fatty or others. This will only result in resentment, or even become daily reminders of incompetence. These labels may stay with him for long.
4. Do you listen to your child?
Listening makes your child feel appreciated. This is an infallible truth. In times of dispute, listen openly to all parties before you make a fair judgement. “Thanks for telling me this and now I want to hear your sister’s side.” Make it a point to respect each child’s thoughts and let them know that you are an unbiased listener.
5. Do you spend time alone with each child?
Spending quality time alone with each child is another way to let them feel valued. Try your best to allocate time for each of them, regardless of whether it’s 20-minute walk in the park, or half-day hangout once a month. For children, this is truly a different experience compared to the moment spent with siblings around, and each child needs such experience.
It all boils down to understand your child and care for what he really needs. Therefore, it doesn’t really matter which method you are going to use.
What’s your own recipe in handling your child’s jealousy? Share with us here!
